It's Friday...and I'm not as eloquent as I'd like to be

Fridays used to have a different meaning. They meant more traffic but a great weekend ahead. Specifically this time of year, people heading off to the lake or the beach or the pool. Tomorrow my Friday is less eventful than a day at work and making sure I get all my work done by 5 so I can leave, or even leaving early. Tomorrow I just have a check up for my appendectomy last weekend. Which, I might add, is nothing compared to what some people go through. I was just reading on Brian Keeter's recovery. He is on a blog I'm following. He was a basketball player at N.C. State while I was cheering and also my roommate at that time's boyfriend. We saw a lot of Brian, and he was in a car accident and is now fighting through being paralyzed and other things I'm not knowledgeable enough about to speak of. However, his attitude from the posts of his family members is extraordinary and he continues to push on. I've had two small surgeries in comparison and will be back to myself in no time. Perspective is a wonderful thing. Pray for Brian and his recovery though, if you will.
I was watching You've Got Mail tonight, what a great movie with so many wonderful lessons. One of which I find interesting. I have trouble speaking my mind, I know, hard to believe right. I do though. If I could communicate the thoughts I have during the day, I wonder how different my life may be. Why is it I can't seem to put to words what I am thinking and feeling? It's like some barrier prevents it from coming off my tongue. Even now as I try to describe this it seems like nonsense and people probably think I'm strange. I took a walk tonight and was enjoying the coolness after the rain and the frogs and crickets in the pond and creek behind the house. I was looking up at the half moon and enjoying God's creation. How wonderful it is. I stood there trying to figure out my niche in this life and for a moment wondered if it was that my niche was enjoying these little precious moments. I can recall so many of them. And they all go back to nature. Sunsets on the lake, the feel of the salty air at dusk as I walk in the sand. All of these moments produce the same effect for me...this awe of my creator. What if, my purpose alone is to ponder and soak in those moments and praise God for them? I'm sure I do other things well, but this I know I can do. I may not articulate it as I'd like but it sure is there. It is what gives me the flutter in my soul.
There are days I am confused and feel as though nothing makes sense. Today, most certainly was one of them. I cannot help but allow my mind to continually visit the thoughts of people I know that are lost or at best don't 'get it'. Lately it has been driving me mad. Brad spoke last night of hell and how important it is to speak to those we love about their life here and how it matters that you accept Christ and live for him, and why wouldn't you want to share that with others? So the burden I am carrying today is heavy. Whether it be from that alone or not. I think about all the times I've tried to share with people and how poorly I may have demonstrated Christ's love at the time. If only those people can look past my imperfections and see what I was trying to say to them, though not as eloquent as I'd have liked. Last night I spoke with a 9th grade girl about how her mother is not a Christian and how it bothers her so much and her heart was sad and she was sobbing. If only every one of us had that kind of understanding and compassion. Why aren't we reaching out more? Why aren't we praying more for those who are lost? Where is our sense of urgency and our outreach? Why do we keep feeding our own selfish desires for fun and pleasure instead of sacrificing ourselves to spend time with those who need Christ? Where are our priorities? What is this burden I am carrying around right now - because it's heavy. It's so heavy I literally felt it as I was walking tonight. I could feel it on my shoulders. What am I missing Lord...please show me.